No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize