She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
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mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
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Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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