I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
