Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
