She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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