i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
