I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
