I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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