then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In other news, I just burned my penis
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
