just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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