she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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