wakey wakey hands off snakey
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
