That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
