Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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