Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
