quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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