there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
