Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
