yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I want to fling myself into the sun
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
