Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
