have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
