I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
