You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
