Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
