I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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