Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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