You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i now understand why vodka
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
