So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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