he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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