he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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