is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
