A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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