I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
