When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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