Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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