At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
BRING THE BAGELS
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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