somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
