Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
