I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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