Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
