he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
