she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
