Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
