is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My vagina is officially offended.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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