i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
