I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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