In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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