Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
