She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
