I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
