We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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