ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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