Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
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When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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