i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
