Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
