She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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