Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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