When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
