When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
