at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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