May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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