Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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