my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
