In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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