Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
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The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Holy shit dude........stairs
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