A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize