your room smells of hookers.
And success
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
