dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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