just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think a kid would responsible me up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
