if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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