I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
