i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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