dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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