you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
