I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
