I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
