I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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