dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
well you can't waste a boner
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
