On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
