y did u give ur computer a hand job?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
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I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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